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Do they make Easy-Bake microwaves?I'm sitting here in the Keys in Florida and it's the day after Christmas (before you ask, Father-in-law), and it's not all it's cracked up to be. Yesterday, Santa brought my 4-year old an Easy-Bake oven. What the fat old man DIDN'T bring was a light bulb for the object of my little girl's desire. Needless to say, on three separate occasions as we basked in the post-Christmas glow, we were asked "Can I bake a little treat in my Easy-Bake oven?" After the first response of "we don't have a bulb and all the stores are closed," she should have gotten the hint. She didn't. After two additional explanations and several more furtive looks towards the pink and purple box, the day after Christmas arrived. We went down to the aquarium in Key West, hung out, drove back, then the question that I thought was dead until at least we got back home clawed it's way out of the grave and grabbed my ankle with its bony grip. "After I eat my dinner, can I bake a little treat, Daddy?" My wife and I looked at each other and the studio audience that I imagine follows me around because I'm just that interesting laughed at me in a "The stripes in Trapper's pinstripe suit go the wrong way" sort of way. So now the quest for the cake begins. Step one is to acquire the bulb, step two is to bake the cake and step three is to manage to force it down and still manage a smile. Two things about step one never entered my mind until actually trying to find the bulb. The first thing are the bulb requirements. It needs to be a 100 watt bulb and it can't be a soft-white or long life bulb. OK, wiseacre, go look and see if you have a 100 watt bulb that isn't soft-white or long life. I'll wait...That's what I thought. The second thing you need to realize is that nothing is a "quick drive" here in the Keys. The local grocery store is about a 10 minute drive. Of course, if they had the sacred bulb of the oven, then this story wouldn't be nearly as interesting. So that means the drive to Winn-Dixie. 20 minutes. One way. Luckily I was able to acquire the holy illuminating grail and made it back without killing that guy in front of me who believes that the speed limit is more than just a suggestion. If you get an Easy-Bake oven, obviously go ahead and buy the bulb. But almost as importantly, set aside an hour for each morsel of delicious goodness you plan on making. And men out there, bite the bullet and read the instructions. Especially the one that says "spray the freakin' pan with a non-stick spray, ya moron!" I missed that one. Back to that massive slice of time. According to the directions, the oven needs 15 minutes to pre-heat, then 12 minutes to bake the item in question, then 10 minutes to cool that sucker, then you can eat it. So that means 37 minutes to cook a 3-inch radius "cake." The box says this marvel of modern culinary technology is made for ages 8+. This isn't because of the heat involved or the need to measure. It's because younger children don't have a sense of time. I ended up having to become the NASA countdown guy, giving her updates every minute, then counting down the last 10 seconds of each step. After we cooked the cake and made the frosting (mercifully, we could make that while the cake baked) the four-year old proceeded to eat half the cake and declare that mommy could have the rest because she was full. According to my wife, step three wasn't nearly as bad as the horror stories that we had heard. So if your tribe has one of those "family nights" where you don't turn on the TV and do something constructive; and you're tired of all the regular things like Taboo and reading and paint by numbers, you can spend an evening baking enough snacks to give a family of four two bites each. So what life lesson does this toy teach our youth? Personally, I think it's "cooking is a time consuming process that doesn't produce a whole lot of joy, either in size or in taste." For those of you budding sociology majors looking for a thesis, try "The Easy-Bake Oven Caused the Sexual Revolution." I can't think of any other single item of Americana that could drive women out of the kitchen faster. Everyone here at the Team hopes that your holiday was joyous and blessed and we all hope that your new year is prosperous. Gasucawa, |
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